I had not yet given birth to a baby girl when I first received the “wait.” I told my coworker that I was having difficulty sleeping. During the 30th week of pregnancy, it is usually a complete person, conversion is my sleep it was almost impossible. I felt like I could never grow up, or at ease.
To my surprise, a friend — the mother of two — laughed at me.
“Do you think you are tired now? Just wait. ”
It may be the first “just wait” of many upcoming comments. As a first mom, I was eager good advice, the search for ancient ancestors to help direct every new phase of survival. But I was often surprised when I was caught by the word “wait” instead.
It can happen like this: I answer the question “how are you?” and an honest answer: often tired, they often have some problems that they encounter something new this coming week with mom, but I stick to every moment of my daughter. Broken moments were many, and more often than not, they lasted for a while “How did I get here?” the thoughts that I sometimes have, looking in the unmistakable mirror.
And then, instead of helping or sympathizing with me, or just opening my ears, I find a way to respond “you never saw anything”, either to raise it once or to deny my experience.
“Are your bombs hurting now? Just wait till feeding clusters it begins. ”
“He can’t sleep without you? Just wait till four months of insomnia. ”
Much of this encouragement, the sound of this comment, was disturbing and confusing and frustrating. I gritted my teeth every time my mother waited, waiting for what I knew was coming. Instead of helping – which I think, or hope, its purpose – these warnings of the evil things waiting in the corner are worrying and feeding on our insecurities.
As young parents with babies and raising young children in the “novel” epidemic no one has ever experienced it before, don’t we have more fears already? Isn’t this a wonderful time to worry about everything in life — not a good time to help other parents? If I have learned anything being a new mom during COVID, it should be at this moment, instead of worrying about the world over which I have no control — and thanks for the incredible, explosive distractions that lie ahead.
But then I almost became one of them.
When my daughter, Lucy, was 14 months old, we went to collect mail from our old rental. The landlord greeted me at the door, with a newborn baby in his arms.
‘We did very well, he is a wonderful sleeper,’ he growled.
“Oh, well that’s really good,” I said, “But just—”
I had to push the words into my mouth. At six days old, he certainly falls asleep. JUST wait for the morning zombie-mama in the coffee pot!
But I smiled, saying how beautiful she was, thanking the new mother for all the excitement that was coming.
Then it struck me: wait is not dangerous, violent women with evil intentions. They mean good, but they want theirs war scars to be seen. They want you to know that they did exist, and they survived that part, and the next, and the next. And they want you to know that not everything is fun — far from it. She also knows how fast it works, though it doesn’t sound like you’re in a woman’s way.
But what if we took every step with the challenges that were there, and reminded our fellow parents to change for the better? an honest reminder that every moment with our young people is short, good and bad?
Instead of just waiting for things to get worse, why not celebrate our momentum and help our tired parents look forward to it?
Just wait for good things, like when your baby smile for the first time. After a few weeks of being a newborn seal, the time they are watching you — and crying legally — will be appropriate all night long.
Instead of saying, “Just wait for your child to start walking and you won’t be able to look away for a second — you won’t be able to sit still,” try this: “When he learns to walk, your child’s life will open up. He will research her management and be able to communicate effectively what she wants and what she wants – just wait. ”
Each time I chased after my little girl all day, an old woman would say, “Just wait. until you have two children down. ”
She is right. Some days it will be stressful — you will always lose your sense of humor. But what if you notice these tiny details speaking in a brother’s native tongue? Do you see them defending themselves from arguments with other children? As they grow up to become close friends? Just wait. These are the words and encouragement that young women should feel.
A few months ago, when the abdomen rod showed two lines, and it knocked me and my husband out of our feet (we sat down in the bathroom, looking in disbelief), all the so-called “waiting” I heard in my daughter’s first year of life sounded in my ears.
Do you think that one is too much? Just wait until you have a moment — you will no longer have a free moment for yourself.
Just wait until you have two under two, and you can’t run both sides at the same time.
Oh also, you will never sleep again.
But watching Lucy grow up and study with being an older sister, adequate with all the difficulties and difficulties it brings?
I really and honestly can’t wait.